Grey Matters #1: Smilin' Bob

Hello again. Today I have the first in what I hope will be a long line of fun thought experiments to share with my loving viewers. I might even have some interactive ones later, once I get better at blogger. For today though, I just want to make you think.
   One of my favorite subjects is the human brain. I love seeing the infinite varieties of behaviors and creations that trickle forth from that 3-lb lump of neurons hidden behind our eyes. Every movie, song, book, game, theory, picture, and discussion in history had to start as a spark in someone’s brain. And when you get right down to it, the brain is all we really are. Consider this:

Meet Bob. Ain't he happy?

   Let’s take a man. We’ll call him Bob. Bob is a perfectly average human. He has an IQ of roughly 100. He’s in his mid-thirties. He weighs around 200 lbs. He has a wife, a couple of kids, a house, a decent job, an upbeat attitude; for all intents and purposes, an average life. He likes football, apple pie, and playing with his kids. FOR THE SAKE OF THIS DISCUSSION, I’m going to have to be mean to Bob. I am sorry if your name is Bob, and believe me, I wouldn’t wish the following on ANYONE.
   Let’s say Bob is driving to work one day, and he gets in an accident. He survives, but his legs were both cut clean off. Despite being a little less mobile, he is still the same man, correct? Bob still has his family, he can still watch football, and he can still play with the kids. Bob’s body may have changed, but he is still the same person.

Bob Lite.

   Ok, after losing his legs, let’s say something else horrible happens, and his arms are cut off as well. Now he’s just a torso and head. Bob’s luck stinks, but he remains optimistic. His family helps to take care of him, he gets a job doing tech support using a headset, and he still pays his bills. Once again, I think we can agree that he is still the same guy. He’s a few pounds lighter, but he keeps on smiling his Bob smile.
   Now we need to get into the realm of science fiction, but it won’t get too bad. The next step in Bob’s series of unfortunate events in the removal of his torso. Maybe he figured he didn’t need the extra weight, but for whatever reason, Bob is now just a head. We put him in a jar full of a nutrient and oxygen rich solution, which provides him with everything he needs to survive. We managed to save his vocal cords, so he can still talk. He misses his body, but Bob continues to look on the bright side. He still has his family. He still has football. He still is alive, and for that, he is grateful. Still sounds like the same old Bob to me.
   You would think I’d be done torturing this poor man at this point, but we still have a few more steps.  I’m not even sure how to come up with reasons for these last few removals, so we might need to get imaginative. Regardless, next up is to remove his brain. Again, we put it in a jar full of perma-life solution, and to provide stimulation, we hook Bob’s brain up to an advanced computer, so he can still read books and watch the super bowl on-line, and he can see and hear his family through a webcam and microphone. He can “speak” through a speaker, and he still loves his family. He needs a little help, but he is still Bob.
   Believe it or not, we’re not done yet. “But how,” you may ask. After all, what else is there to take?  Quite a bit actually. Anyone with a basic understanding of the human brain knows that there are several portions of the brain are dedicated to keeping the heart beating, the lungs breathing, and the overall regulation of important bodily conditions. Bob no longer has a heart, or lungs, or arms, legs, eyes, ears, or a mouth for that matter. So, as the final step in Bob’s dismemberment, we bring in an EXPERT neurosurgeon. (Extra heavy emphasis on the expert part.) This Neurosurgeon proceeds to remove any part of Bob’s brain that is no longer needed.  We remove the parts that control the muscles, the parts that regulate body conditions, and even the parts responsible for hearing and speaking. We leave his memories alone, along with his personality, and the portions that allow him to recognize sights and sounds. (He doesn’t have eyes, and he’s already hooked up to receive those signals directly to the appropriate part of the brain, bypassing the eyes and the related circuitry entirely). Let’s estimate that we can remove about half of his brain without damaging anything vital to who Bob is.

This might be all that's left Bob once
we're done with him... 

   Now we’ve reached the end. What we have now is a carefully arranged and persevered collection of neurons, weighing only about a pound and a half. Contained within this remaining mass is Bob’s “essence”; his hopes and dreams, his worries and phobias, his loves and hates, his imagination, his disappointment that the 49ers lost the Super Bowl, and his perpetually perky attitude. All we’ve done here is just remove anything that wasn’t directly “Bob”. All the lost limbs and facial features were just a way for “Bob” to move, interact, and observe the world. The removed brain tissue and organs were all provided simply to keep this small network alive and functional. If we assume that substitutes, artificial though they may be, are provided to keep him alive and stimulated, then we have to conclude that what we have left at this point is still Bob. Remember, right now he stills knows the names of his wife and kids, he still remembers the taste of apple pie, and he can still perform the “brain-hooked-up-to-a-computer” equivalent of a smile. We haven’t taken anything essential to his personality or his self-awareness; we just condensed him from 200 lbs. down to about a pound and a half.
   Now here’s point that I’m trying to make with this whole, horrible story. That this holds true to all of us, that any person on the planet could be “boiled down” the same way. Every single thought that has come to any of us, no matter the stimulus, originates in the same 1½ lbs. of neural tissue that we have left from Bob. All of our art, our music, our poetry, our movies, our EVERYTHING, all came from this relatively small part of our bodies. Everything else in and on our bodies, for the purposes of this discussion, could be considered superfluous. All we really are can be contained in a coffee can. Kind of makes worrying about your appearance seem silly, don’t it?

Bob likes his new body.

   As for Bob, he does get a happy ending. Because of all that the scientists learned, and for being a good sport, the neurosurgeon was able to pull a few strings. He was given permission to clone a new body for Bob. Bob was mostly happy with his old body anyway, so the only difference was that the new body was a little taller, a little thinner, and had a full head of hair until they day he died. Bob’s whole family lived well off after he sold the rights to his story to a big-name movie studio. During this whole ordeal, he never despaired and kept on smiling.
   I’ll see you all again soon, and don’t worry; not all of these exercises will be this long or this gruesome. 



I don't own any of the pictures used here. I found them by using google to search for "bob, "bob oblong", "brain in a jar", and " body builder". I'm using them under the fair use act (I think) and if you want me to remove a picture, just tell me and i'll be happy to comply.